I Wish

I wish i had a smoke machine, imagine the ambience i could create if i had one, it would be amazing, could walk around the house, gloomy as shit, have some lights flashing, it'd be fucking amazing, damn, it'd be the metaphorical shit.  And everybody would be like, yo man, could I borrow your smoke machine, I need it to create ambience for one of my events.

I had the motivation to do something.   Nope still don't.

That I wasn't sick anymore.

That maybe it would be awsome if I had something to look forward to.

When I Was a Young Boy

I always thought things would change, I always thought that when i was older I would be cooler, happier, have more fun.  I still do think that, all through grade 12 I thought to myself, yeah man, party hard in uni.  Everything always seems to be in the future now though, in primary school it was high school, in high school it was uni.  Now that I'm in uni I'm really confused, maybe next year will be better, I'll talk to more people there, make more friends have more fun, but I said that after the first semester and didn't do it in the second one, so why would that change for next year.  It's just a massive joke.

Dancing and the Rain

I love the rain, rain is good, it makes everthing better.  I prefer it to the weather being really hot cause that just sucks alot, all humid and sticky fuck that shit.  One negative I can think of is that my car isn't water tight, so when I jumped in to go for a cruise today guess what I found, a foot spa, best shit in the world.  Really though, not cool all the carpets wet, its bullshit. 

Anyways dancing, I hope I never have to see myself dancing, that would be terrible.  Especially when Big Booty Bitches come on, when that comes on I go into some kind of trance.  A Big Booty Bitches trance.  The reason I don't want to ever see myself dancing is, because I'm freaking terrible, I'm pretty sure that I make up for my lack of skill by dancing as hard as possible.  Some would say that I look like a flailing retard, but lets be honest here, I give no shits cause I don't have to see it, also I'm drunk and never have to meet most of those people ever again.

And hey, if it gives someone a laugh and maybe starts a conversation then shit, it's probably worth it.

Home On a Friday Night, AWSOME

Yeah I'm being sarcastic, sarcastic as fuck, I'm giving the biggest sarcastic thumbs up the universe has ever seen while also doing the most sarcastic face the world can imagine.  Apart from the general bullshit that its my ineptness to go out and do something, today was a good day.  Oktoberfest at uni, h'ok.  An entire trip into uni was nearly wasted today, thinking the celebrations would be ripe, we joked that only old people would be there.  Guess what, we were right, nothing, and i mean nothing was happening, though i must say, that three piece German band was busting out some quality mad sick oompa music, shit you can really bob to.  Now all this wouldn't have been much of a problem if they still had they're shit together, but noooooo, there was noooo keg rolling, the main reason we were there and it wasn't, traumatizing for sure.  The pretzels were big and free at the guild bar, which was fairly quality, and I'm now the proud owner of a truly quality plastic tooheys new beer stein,  awww yeahhhhh.  All this together doesn't sound like the best of days, but wait, we made a friend.  I can not describe him, he was magical, like a wild unicorn, a wild unicorn in short shorts and suspenders.  Few men dare to pull that move, but he did, and he made it look good, maybe even too good.  Later cruising around, who else do we see, but the amazing unicorn accordion playing friend of ours. 

What was he playing, I'll tell you what he was playing, Sex on Fire by the Kings of Leon, that shit made tender tender love to my ears.  I had tingles for a good ten minutes afterwards and i wanted more, i was ruined for everybody else.  All I wanted to do was hold him and shut my eyes and just stand there holding him, I don't care if it would be weird or inappropriate, it was just what I wanted to do.  To spend the rest of the day following him around listening to him like the beat magician that he was would have been legendary, worthy of writing in some kind of book to be passed on to generation even.

Booze Decisions? Good Decisions!

"And we all know, if you want to get loose go for the bull and goose"

Alcohol, the magic liquid, it can free a man, but also make him get some crappy fines.  You'll have a good night but you might shit your pants.  Parties aren't anything without it, I got nothing for that.  Yeah booze its awsome, but which is the most awsomest.  The answer with no questions what so ever is GOON, yeah you heard it, some people on the street just yelled out fuck yeah goon without knowing why, they're scared now but you shouldn't be.  Goon is good, goon is great, it'll fuck you up and its really cheap, also rhyming isn't a strong point of mine.  If goon is the best, then why did i use a quote about redbull and wild goose, here's my rebuttal, SHUT UP.  That is all, its a good quote and I like and just shut up. 

Goon Man - Helping the less fortunate to obtain a drunken state, he's a true Australian hero

Back to goon, let me just lay down some facts, nine dollars for four litres, close to ten percent alcohol, 30 standard drinks in a box, it makes a pillow when your done, its nine dollars for four litres, it has a disposable carry case, you can play gooney ball when you're done, you can play extreme gooney ball before you're done and its goon man everyone loves goon.  With all these positives why doesn't everyone drink it, the simple answer is, they suck, everybody that doesn't drink goon sucks, that is all.  Some people are all like, but spirits mix, spirits can fondle nut sacks real people don't mix, they drink from the sack, cause that's how real people roll.  I can't be seen drinking goon, I have a reputation, no you don't, stop lying to yourself.  Goon gives you a reputation, it makes people think you're an alcoholic badass, nobody ever stops and thinks "That guys drinking goon, he's not in it to get drunk at all"  they think "Fuck yeah!!! Goon!! Lets get fucked up and do stupid drunk shit, hells yeyeah"  that's right, goon'll fuck your pansy assed shit, it'll bend you over a table and have its way with you, cause that's how it rolls.  

Goon, its for real alcoholics. 

Suck My Dick I'm a Winner

I'm a king among men, a duke, a prince, an emperor but you can call me Borris the guy that got a ticket to BDO.  Just letting all the non music lovers or non Australians, Big Day Out is one of the hardest festivals to get tickets to, generally they run out in less than half an hour, tonight they ran out in three minutes.  Did that stop your triumphant hero from coming across one, no, Borris being the man that I am I jumped on my computer, the nets capped, I DON'T CARE, I fucking willed my cables to do their jobs, bigpond can get fucked, they aren't stopping me from living the dream.  After ordering my ticket, anxiety struck, would I get it, would someone else, would i have to fight them to reclaim my ticket, nobody gets my ticket and doesn't ask me first, thats just bullshit they can't do that.  So I waited for my confirmation email, would it come, ahahahahahahahahahaha come, but yeah, would I get to go to the BIG DAY OUT, would I live the dream.  I probably gave away the answer in the title, yes I got a ticket.   Although now i'm struck down with choices, I also want to go see MUSCLES, Reel Big Fish and The Aquabats and Sunset Sounds, but i don't have the money unless I decide not to go out for my friends eighteenth and doing that would be a tremendous dick move.  I'll just have to pray that everybody doesn't want to go to the same stuff as me, maybe I'll become indie and get a shit taste in music and become a pretentious douchebag then nobody will want to be at the same gigs as me.

Ever Listened to Five Hours of Lady Gaga

I have and it wasn't pleasant, you'd think after about an hour an iPod would run out of Lady Gaga but no very slightly different remixes of Lady Gaga exist and they were all in the same place.  Sooo musically tonight I'm feeling pretty drained but what comes to my rescue, windows media player, cheer cheer hurray yay, that bad boys been busting out hit after hit and mixing like a champ, Coheed & Cambria, Modest Mouse, OK GO, N.E.R.D, Anthrax, Cake, the classic beats just don't stop its amazing, I think I would have creamed my jeans, if i were wearing jeans, hell if I was wearing any clothes at all.  Guess I'll just have to say they made sweet sweet love to my ear pussies.  Why couldn't I listen to sick music at work, life is hell that's why, but anyway I've been thinking about music in general, like why I've changed my musical tastes, why I don't like American Hip Hop but enjoy both English and Australian rappers and Hip Hop.  What's up with that maybe it's that I assume all American Hip Hop is gangsta and automatically reject the entire industry maybe it's that I can't find anything decent to start on and am too lazy to put any effort into it, maybe it's that I only like Hip Hop a little bit and still prefer the likes of Modest Mouse and other "alternative" music but then what the shit why do I like some pop and house music as well.  Fuck this I suppose my musical tastes have become more "eclectic" now that I'm not as obsessed with how people view me because of the music I listen to, yet people still assume I only listen to metal and nothing else.

Musical prejudice hurts guys, just remember, judging people based on musical tastes is disgusting and I'll have none of it, you know who I'm talking about.

Master Puppeteer of the Political Variant

Another election is upon us, more important than local elections, state elections and possibly even the other type that didn't really work out for us this time, the federal elections.  Thats right I'm talking UNI GUILD ELECTIONS, I know what your thinking, no way, thats awsome, whats a uni guild.  Well you're right, wrong and stupid all at the same time, yes your wrong because it is actually way.  You're right cause no its actually awsome and stewpid cause come on, uni guild, its an elections work it out.  So yes I'm now in the midst of an epic battle between ACTIVE and EPIC,  personally EPIC has my vote, so much so that I handed out flyers out front of QUT for a while (read five minutes) today.  To be honest though I don't really care that much for either "party" but EPIC does have me on the name, I personally am all about the professor plums, hahahahahahaha wow jokes wow jokes, and I dislike being active.  The real selling point for me though were their flyers, ACTIVE had some stuff about some other stuff and EPIC had a picture of guitar hero you know what that means.

Seriously though, EPIC wants to reduce the cost of refreshingly delicious alcoholic beverages on campus and by all means thats plenty fine with Borris.  So fine infact I may just write them a song of appreciation and perform it in a dark room while cutting their names into my arm with a razor, or maybe just you know, vote for them.  Yeah thats right I'm willing to vote in something thats non compulsory just so that they have the opportunity to maybe reduce the cost of getting drunk at uni.  Cause lets be serious here, going to lectures and tutorials sober is boring, really, really, really, really boring so boring that I don't go to lectures unless I know that I will have a supply of alcohol, be it goon or a hipflask or the cap'n.  People might find that extreme I dare you to do it and just try and sit through a lecture sober ever again. 

In reflection maybe if Abbot or Ranga slut Gillard had gotten their shit together and offered cheaper drinks to the people of Australia our government wouldn't be the joke that it is today.

I Got My Fixie on Craiglisty

Although I've tried to limit myself to one update a day, with a mind that is as overflowing with intricate thoughts its hard, really really hard, soooooo.

Hipsters, Am I Right

Going to uni, its difficult to not see them about, they hand out playing hacky sack at the coffee place.  They sit in subway eating the veggie thing that nobody ever gets, the ride their surf board shaped skateboards on all the flat surfaces but freak out when they have to cross a street cause they can't deal the bumps on the ramp onto the road.  Yeah thats right i'm talking to you, guy that ran into me cause he couldn't handle the slope, next time don't call me buddy instead of apologizing thats just plain not cool.  Any who, yeah hipsters, sometimes it feels like they take everything that I like and turn it into some obscene attempt at irony.  Point in case, Seinfield, everybody loves it right, WRONG.  I don't want to name names and luckily I can't but I saw a guy wearing a Vandelay Industries shirt so I'm thinking, hahahaha Art Vandelay the importer exporter, we ended up sitting near each other and I mentioned it.  Lo and behold he didn't even know what I was talking about, "Seinfield what are you on about, this shirt is against monopolisation and big industry".  Not unfairly, punching him in the face didn't seem like such a bad idea, but wisdom over came me and I went along with it long story short, I should have hit him. 

Forgot the Title, but Lists should do

I seem to be jumping around from topic to topic lately, while I would like to stay strictly on music it just doesn't seem to happen, one second I'll be on one subject then whamo I've had an explosion of imagination and i've moved onto somthing else that has piqued my interest.  So to combat that I've decided to make lists, lots of lists, lists for what I need to do, lists for what I've done.  Even a list of lists that I need

Topics for Blog
Music to Get
Movies to See
Old Movies to See
People to Talk To
Uni Work I Need to do
Uni Work I've done
What I need money for
What I don't need money for
What I Wish I had money for
Lists that I should make to put in my Lists list

They go on, its not a pretty sight, and because of that I'm fairly certain that you, the great and trusting reader, will have determined that I have a pretty average memory.  It's something that I've had to work with for a while and it seems to be getting worse with all the uni work that I'm only pretending to be doing.  Maybe a more active mind leads to a more active memory, hell, I used to love maths, but that didn't help and a first year business degree isn't exactly rocket science.  For example an assignment handed in three days late which is also thirty percent below the word limit and uses only two sources can still get you a 4, not a bad mark considering its a pass.  With that example out of the way, I feel it necessary to share with you, dear readers, a small section of my "blog topics" list, please note, some of these may be coming up in the next couple of days, and all were thought of in roughly thirty minutes.  Without further adu

The List

Hard to stay on topic
Mighty by the planet smashers/Ska in general
Nobody really interprets what I say properly leads to some fairly awkward situations
Describe my face as I type which should help readers with former list member
My half baked perspective on music
Hey man i don't even care if you read it or not
too serious yesterday, so i listened to some sick as ska pretty sure you can't even convey any other emotion other than happiness through that music

Just a little insight into the mind of your insightful and hilarious muse, Borris

Serious Faces Up In Here

Sometimes all the little problems in the world seem to build up on your shoulders and that sucks.  It happens to everyone though, it's how you react that shapes you as a person, some people will buckle under the pressure and others will do some man as shoulder press' and take the load to market and pass it on to the farmers for a reasonable price.  Shit, got too involved in the metaphor again.  Anyways, yeah, problems they suck, but take it from me they always seem that much smaller the further ago they are or were, fucking tense how does it work.  Its kind of like riding a scooter down a hill to begin with, you're sitting there thinking, I'm way to drunk to be in control of a scooter even if i am over 18, then after your friends start calling you chicken you start thinking, no I can do this, I'm king of the hill not the duke twice removed of the mound.  So you ride down, you think fuuuuuuucccckkkk just as you hit a bump in the road (the bump is the problem here), you flip the handle bars you get some mad sick gravel rash and your friends come running down to see how you are and to laugh at you.  As long as you didn't hit your head, you're laughing, its hilarious, everyone is pumped cause it looked awsome and now you all have awsome stories to tell everybody that wasn't there for it.  Right now some of you are probably thinking, what the shit man, what's Borris on about, I know, I get sidetracked really easily.

The main nugget of my philosophy here is, before you go down that hill it seems like the worst thing in the world but when you're at the bottom, it feels really good especially if you did it with your friends.  So just remember, don't kill yourself over insignificant stuff share it with your friends cause they'll help you get some perspective on it.  Then the next step is to go get your scooters, get drunk and ride them like the bad ass that you are.

Drunken Scooting? Yes Please.

Razor Scooters, not exactly the most hardcore form of transportation.  HOWEVER, if you get drunk, they can become possibly the most awesome thing out, you hop on one of those badboys your the democratically elected Mayor of Fun Town.  That's right, your become an official member on the council of fun, how many people have that happen to them, exactly, not many.  As we all know though, extreme sports are never safe, BMX, rally car, alligator baiting, none are easy, none are safe but most are awesome.  When drunken scooting there are a number of possible injuries that may occur, falling off, smacking your head, being generally uncoordinated and getting some good old fashioned gravel rash.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, exactly, NEW EXTREME SPORT.  What makes it more extreme is that if the cops find you doing it, you can lose your licence for drink driving.  AWESOME.  So with the evidence stacked in favour of it becoming an extreme sport and probably an Olympic sport it's only a matter of time that it is widely seen for the mad sick sport that it truly is.