I Wish

I wish i had a smoke machine, imagine the ambience i could create if i had one, it would be amazing, could walk around the house, gloomy as shit, have some lights flashing, it'd be fucking amazing, damn, it'd be the metaphorical shit.  And everybody would be like, yo man, could I borrow your smoke machine, I need it to create ambience for one of my events.

I had the motivation to do something.   Nope still don't.

That I wasn't sick anymore.

That maybe it would be awsome if I had something to look forward to.

When I Was a Young Boy

I always thought things would change, I always thought that when i was older I would be cooler, happier, have more fun.  I still do think that, all through grade 12 I thought to myself, yeah man, party hard in uni.  Everything always seems to be in the future now though, in primary school it was high school, in high school it was uni.  Now that I'm in uni I'm really confused, maybe next year will be better, I'll talk to more people there, make more friends have more fun, but I said that after the first semester and didn't do it in the second one, so why would that change for next year.  It's just a massive joke.

Dancing and the Rain

I love the rain, rain is good, it makes everthing better.  I prefer it to the weather being really hot cause that just sucks alot, all humid and sticky fuck that shit.  One negative I can think of is that my car isn't water tight, so when I jumped in to go for a cruise today guess what I found, a foot spa, best shit in the world.  Really though, not cool all the carpets wet, its bullshit. 

Anyways dancing, I hope I never have to see myself dancing, that would be terrible.  Especially when Big Booty Bitches come on, when that comes on I go into some kind of trance.  A Big Booty Bitches trance.  The reason I don't want to ever see myself dancing is, because I'm freaking terrible, I'm pretty sure that I make up for my lack of skill by dancing as hard as possible.  Some would say that I look like a flailing retard, but lets be honest here, I give no shits cause I don't have to see it, also I'm drunk and never have to meet most of those people ever again.

And hey, if it gives someone a laugh and maybe starts a conversation then shit, it's probably worth it.

Home On a Friday Night, AWSOME

Yeah I'm being sarcastic, sarcastic as fuck, I'm giving the biggest sarcastic thumbs up the universe has ever seen while also doing the most sarcastic face the world can imagine.  Apart from the general bullshit that its my ineptness to go out and do something, today was a good day.  Oktoberfest at uni, h'ok.  An entire trip into uni was nearly wasted today, thinking the celebrations would be ripe, we joked that only old people would be there.  Guess what, we were right, nothing, and i mean nothing was happening, though i must say, that three piece German band was busting out some quality mad sick oompa music, shit you can really bob to.  Now all this wouldn't have been much of a problem if they still had they're shit together, but noooooo, there was noooo keg rolling, the main reason we were there and it wasn't, traumatizing for sure.  The pretzels were big and free at the guild bar, which was fairly quality, and I'm now the proud owner of a truly quality plastic tooheys new beer stein,  awww yeahhhhh.  All this together doesn't sound like the best of days, but wait, we made a friend.  I can not describe him, he was magical, like a wild unicorn, a wild unicorn in short shorts and suspenders.  Few men dare to pull that move, but he did, and he made it look good, maybe even too good.  Later cruising around, who else do we see, but the amazing unicorn accordion playing friend of ours. 

What was he playing, I'll tell you what he was playing, Sex on Fire by the Kings of Leon, that shit made tender tender love to my ears.  I had tingles for a good ten minutes afterwards and i wanted more, i was ruined for everybody else.  All I wanted to do was hold him and shut my eyes and just stand there holding him, I don't care if it would be weird or inappropriate, it was just what I wanted to do.  To spend the rest of the day following him around listening to him like the beat magician that he was would have been legendary, worthy of writing in some kind of book to be passed on to generation even.

Booze Decisions? Good Decisions!

"And we all know, if you want to get loose go for the bull and goose"

Alcohol, the magic liquid, it can free a man, but also make him get some crappy fines.  You'll have a good night but you might shit your pants.  Parties aren't anything without it, I got nothing for that.  Yeah booze its awsome, but which is the most awsomest.  The answer with no questions what so ever is GOON, yeah you heard it, some people on the street just yelled out fuck yeah goon without knowing why, they're scared now but you shouldn't be.  Goon is good, goon is great, it'll fuck you up and its really cheap, also rhyming isn't a strong point of mine.  If goon is the best, then why did i use a quote about redbull and wild goose, here's my rebuttal, SHUT UP.  That is all, its a good quote and I like and just shut up. 

Goon Man - Helping the less fortunate to obtain a drunken state, he's a true Australian hero

Back to goon, let me just lay down some facts, nine dollars for four litres, close to ten percent alcohol, 30 standard drinks in a box, it makes a pillow when your done, its nine dollars for four litres, it has a disposable carry case, you can play gooney ball when you're done, you can play extreme gooney ball before you're done and its goon man everyone loves goon.  With all these positives why doesn't everyone drink it, the simple answer is, they suck, everybody that doesn't drink goon sucks, that is all.  Some people are all like, but spirits mix, spirits can fondle nut sacks real people don't mix, they drink from the sack, cause that's how real people roll.  I can't be seen drinking goon, I have a reputation, no you don't, stop lying to yourself.  Goon gives you a reputation, it makes people think you're an alcoholic badass, nobody ever stops and thinks "That guys drinking goon, he's not in it to get drunk at all"  they think "Fuck yeah!!! Goon!! Lets get fucked up and do stupid drunk shit, hells yeyeah"  that's right, goon'll fuck your pansy assed shit, it'll bend you over a table and have its way with you, cause that's how it rolls.  

Goon, its for real alcoholics. 

Suck My Dick I'm a Winner

I'm a king among men, a duke, a prince, an emperor but you can call me Borris the guy that got a ticket to BDO.  Just letting all the non music lovers or non Australians, Big Day Out is one of the hardest festivals to get tickets to, generally they run out in less than half an hour, tonight they ran out in three minutes.  Did that stop your triumphant hero from coming across one, no, Borris being the man that I am I jumped on my computer, the nets capped, I DON'T CARE, I fucking willed my cables to do their jobs, bigpond can get fucked, they aren't stopping me from living the dream.  After ordering my ticket, anxiety struck, would I get it, would someone else, would i have to fight them to reclaim my ticket, nobody gets my ticket and doesn't ask me first, thats just bullshit they can't do that.  So I waited for my confirmation email, would it come, ahahahahahahahahahaha come, but yeah, would I get to go to the BIG DAY OUT, would I live the dream.  I probably gave away the answer in the title, yes I got a ticket.   Although now i'm struck down with choices, I also want to go see MUSCLES, Reel Big Fish and The Aquabats and Sunset Sounds, but i don't have the money unless I decide not to go out for my friends eighteenth and doing that would be a tremendous dick move.  I'll just have to pray that everybody doesn't want to go to the same stuff as me, maybe I'll become indie and get a shit taste in music and become a pretentious douchebag then nobody will want to be at the same gigs as me.

Ever Listened to Five Hours of Lady Gaga

I have and it wasn't pleasant, you'd think after about an hour an iPod would run out of Lady Gaga but no very slightly different remixes of Lady Gaga exist and they were all in the same place.  Sooo musically tonight I'm feeling pretty drained but what comes to my rescue, windows media player, cheer cheer hurray yay, that bad boys been busting out hit after hit and mixing like a champ, Coheed & Cambria, Modest Mouse, OK GO, N.E.R.D, Anthrax, Cake, the classic beats just don't stop its amazing, I think I would have creamed my jeans, if i were wearing jeans, hell if I was wearing any clothes at all.  Guess I'll just have to say they made sweet sweet love to my ear pussies.  Why couldn't I listen to sick music at work, life is hell that's why, but anyway I've been thinking about music in general, like why I've changed my musical tastes, why I don't like American Hip Hop but enjoy both English and Australian rappers and Hip Hop.  What's up with that maybe it's that I assume all American Hip Hop is gangsta and automatically reject the entire industry maybe it's that I can't find anything decent to start on and am too lazy to put any effort into it, maybe it's that I only like Hip Hop a little bit and still prefer the likes of Modest Mouse and other "alternative" music but then what the shit why do I like some pop and house music as well.  Fuck this I suppose my musical tastes have become more "eclectic" now that I'm not as obsessed with how people view me because of the music I listen to, yet people still assume I only listen to metal and nothing else.

Musical prejudice hurts guys, just remember, judging people based on musical tastes is disgusting and I'll have none of it, you know who I'm talking about.